The first thing I heard after I crossed the finish line was my 13-year-old, once misdiagnosed with low functioning autism son say... "I'm proud of you, mom." He'd run a half mile to meet me there after holding up a sign that read, 'I'm cheering for mom' at the 24 mile mark - right when I needed it.
I grabbed that boy and I hugged him hard.
I know you're still reading because of your MERLD babies.
And you're scared.
Some of you have lost your spouses over the stress. Lost faith in science, education, love, hope. Most have sought counseling for yourselves. I'm amazed I didn't. I probably should have.
We've all been on the brink of losing ourselves completely to this unnecessarily stressful mystery. We've all had the aching guts.
Don't give up.
They really need you not to give up.
There is a happy finish line where they will always know what you did. It's hard to imagine that now while it's so fucking hard that you've been crying from places you didn't know had tears, but it's true.
The toddler who couldn't say, "I love you, mama," turns into a beautiful young man, happy to see you. He says I love you without hesitation, and there's proof of it with every smile, hug, and proud look in his eyes that he gives you for being his hard fighting advocate.
He'll know what you did.
And you're teaching him how to take care of you right back.
The big hills are at the beginning.
Don't give up.
You get reimbursed for the pain with joy.
© Copyright 2014 Angeline Larimer